Join Mailbits for Secrets Revealed!

An Airhead An airhead goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. "So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?" The airhead counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying....... "Ehhhh... 22." The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?" The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces....."Five foot two!" This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the interviewee won't have to count, measure, or Look up. "Just to confirm for our records, your name please?" The airhead bobs her head from side to side for about fifteen seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying ......."Sharon!" The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he ask s "What were you doing when I asked you your name?" "Ohhhh, that!" replies the airhead," I was just running through that song,...... 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you....' ".

Don't Mess With Texas Don’t Mess With Texas Two tourists were driving through Texas. As they were approaching the town of Nacogdoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the name of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are ... very slowly?" The girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr -gerrrrrrr, kinnnnngggg."

The You Might Be an Engineer If

A team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception.

All your sentences begin with "what if"

At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string.

Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma.

Dilbert is your hero.

Everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room.

In college you thought Spring Break was a metal fatigue failure.

On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than someone else who is reading a John Grisham novel.

People groan at the party when you pick out the music

The blinking 12:00 on someone's VCR draws you in like a tractor beam to fix it.

The salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions

The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind

When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers and you butt in to correct him and spend next twenty minutes answering the customers' questions, while the salesperson stands by silently, nodding his head

You are able to argue persuasively that Ross Perot's phrase "electronic town hall" makes more sense than the term "information superhighway," but you don't because, after all, the man still uses hand-drawn pie charts

You are always late to meetings

You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling

You are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say so out loud

You are convinced you can build a phazer from your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment

You are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor

You are next in line on death row in a French prison and you find that the guillotine is not working properly so you offer to fix it

You are still drinking Mr Pibb

You are wine tasting and find yourself paying more attention to the cork screws than the '84 Chardonnay

You bought your wife a new CD ROM for her birthday

You bought your wife's valentine gift at orchard supply

You can name at least six Star Trek episodes

You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie

You can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting

You can understand anything Al Gore says

You can't fit any more colored pens in your shirt pocket

You can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week

You can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines

You carry a list for everything except the groceries

You carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run

You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel

You disdain people who use low baud rates

You do Darth Vader or Battlestar Gallactica impersonations by talking into a spinning fan

You drive a gremlin with a "Beam me up Scotty" bumper sticker

You ever burned down the gymnasium with your science fair project You ever forgot to get a haircut ... for 6 months

You find yourself at the airport on your vacation studying the baggage handling equipment

You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards in the chairs to see how they do the special effects

You have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area

You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal

You have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work

You have ever debated who was a better captain: Kirk or Piccard

You have ever owned a calculator with no equals key and know what RPN stands for

You have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is"

You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance

You have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside



|Back to ::The Jokes Archive::| |Back to the Main Page|