Don't Mess With Texas Don’t Mess With Texas Two tourists were driving through Texas. As they were approaching the town of Nacogdoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the name of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are ... very slowly?" The girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr -gerrrrrrr, kinnnnngggg."
The You Might Be an Engineer If
A team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on
the radio in your work area for better reception.
All your sentences begin with "what if"
At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find
the burnt-out bulb in the string.
Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade
your RAM is a moral dilemma.
Dilbert is your hero.
Everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck peering at the scenery,
and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room.
In college you thought Spring Break was a metal fatigue failure.
On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages
faster than someone else who is reading a John Grisham novel.
People groan at the party when you pick out the music
The blinking 12:00 on someone's VCR draws you in like a tractor beam to
fix it.
The salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions
The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your
mind
When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson
talking with customers and you butt in to correct him and spend next
twenty minutes answering the customers' questions, while the
salesperson stands by silently, nodding his head
You are able to argue persuasively that Ross Perot's phrase "electronic
town hall" makes more sense than the term "information superhighway,"
but you don't because, after all, the man still uses hand-drawn pie
charts
You are always late to meetings
You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling
You are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games,
but are afraid to say so out loud
You are convinced you can build a phazer from your garage door opener
and your camera's flash attachment
You are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear
reactor
You are next in line on death row in a French prison and you find that
the guillotine is not working properly so you offer to fix
it
You are still drinking Mr Pibb
You are wine tasting and find yourself paying more attention to the
cork screws than the '84 Chardonnay
You bought your wife a new CD ROM for her birthday
You bought your wife's valentine gift at orchard supply
You can name at least six Star Trek episodes
You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
You can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting
You can understand anything Al Gore says
You can't fit any more colored pens in your shirt pocket
You can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week
You can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines
You carry a list for everything except the groceries
You carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that
actually takes five minutes to run
You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel
You disdain people who use low baud rates
You do Darth Vader or Battlestar Gallactica impersonations by talking
into a spinning fan
You drive a gremlin with a "Beam me up Scotty" bumper sticker
You ever burned down the gymnasium with your science fair project You
ever forgot to get a haircut ... for 6 months
You find yourself at the airport on your vacation studying the baggage
handling equipment
You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards in the chairs to
see how they do the special effects
You have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area
You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own
turns bread into charcoal
You have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work
You have ever debated who was a better captain: Kirk or Piccard
You have ever owned a calculator with no equals key and know what RPN
stands for
You have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is"
You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
You have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside